First of all, before I rant, I must make it clear (if it isn't already) that I do not currently own a PSP and that my experience with it so far has been very brief. This isn't a review of Sony's machine. Secondly, this article contains a few swears and references to hardcore porn (naturally), so for goodness sake, if either of these things upset you, turn off your computer now and hide somewhere.
So, we now face a duel to the death as two handhelds clash for UK market dominance (that's the Nintendo DS and the Sony PSP by the way, folks: the "Jizz-mondo" doesn't count). So where is your cash going? Who is going to buy Sony's "walkman for 21st Century"? Both companies (not for the first time) have been keen to dismiss one another: Sony inevitably enough reject any acknowledgement Nintendo even exist, let alone be considered as a threat to their sleek device. Nintendo similarly refuse to be branded in the same mould as the PSP (the sharper eyed among you will have noticed the Nintendo DS isn't called 'Game Boy DS' for a reason). But in my eyes, the PSP is destined to become the handheld of choice here in the UK, and probably Europe too. It has practically already won, and while not a foregone conclusion (let's not forget NDS is currently outselling PSP after initial expectations were high for Sony's machine in the east), there are so many factors that the system offers which will appeal to consumers here in the UK. And that doesn't even begin to take into account Nintendo's appalling marketing in European: you could say they only have themselves to blame, except they don't actually seem bothered with Europe. The battle for top spot in the US and Japan has swung in both directions over recent months, but the DS is currently outselling the PSP by around four to one in its native Japan. In the UK however, it's likely to be a different story.
The kit offers many attractive modes of use, but in turn, the PSP seems to symbolise a lot of what is misguided with the games industry today and seemingly in the future. "Entertainment centre". "Digital multimedia device". "Downloadable future content". I don't know about you, but it's these sorts of statements that send shivers down my spine. It's the sort of crap that seemingly gets some people excited without them actually being able to pin-point why. What of the games? The system has some damn good software on show in Lumines and Ridge Racers, but will this flow of quality continue and be encouraged? Or are we destined for an endless line of PS2 ports and sequels? Was it so long ago that we (genuinely) anticipated the arrival of a new console based on the launch games or the genuine leap in distinction that the new hardware offered? Who can say Super Mario 64? Quality software has (and always will) sell hardware. Movies won't. Q?'s excellent Lumines should sell the PSP to the masses; it's a game suited to its host platform perfectly, but something tells me it won't: a 3D Grand Theft Auto, (similar to the PS2 console game) will.
The PSP is the first significant piece of handheld gaming hardware that uses optical media as its chosen format. It's my (crazy) belief that 2D is better suited for handhelds. Call it fear of the new, but if the woefully inadequate 'Mario 64 DS' is anything to go by (notable only for a smart title screen and a handful of mini games: the game itself is like trying to play Super Mario 64 with your feet, only less fun), I'll stick with the theory that a tiny screen and no effective analogue control make 3D on the go-go a no-no. Having said that, the very 3D and very excellent Ridge Racers for PSP seems to diminish my theory somewhat, but then again, the RR series has always worked well as a 'five-minute-blast' type of game. However, one thing I am uncertain of is loading times. Loading times simply shouldn't be part of the handheld experience. Ever. It misses the point so fundamentally, it's not even funny. To me, it simply boggles the mind why disc-based media would be considered for a handheld. Surely the stupid demands that such media imposes on battery life renders it something other than portable, instantaneous, quick-fix gaming if the battery needs recharging every three hours? True, the price of silicon is more expensive now than it has been for some time, but I can't help feel it's based on Sony's insistence on creating their own propriety media in an attempt to impose the format into other devices in the future. The UMD is a versatile beast, capable of storing games, music and also movies on its 1.8GB disc. I guess that's why they call it 'Universal Media Disc'. So anything from 'Spiderman' to the latest 'Snoop Dogg' album to Japanese porn can be slapped into your PSP. Sony expects films to account for more than 60 percent of all UMD sales in the coming years, with an expected 130 million UMD's being sold by 2008.
The question is, does anyone really want to play movies on a handheld screen the size of half a slice of bread and with teeny speakers? Suddenly, we see another sort of audience Sony could have feeding off its hands: the gadget fuckwits. Now, folks, don't get me wrong, Nintendo are by no means the perfect alternative in this war. They swore that their machine was a gaming-only devise, only to hastily re-evaluate their situation after seeing the PSP's online capabilities, and announce their own strategy. Their support for the Game Boy Advance and GameCube systems here in the UK was dreadful. But you only have to take a look at Sony's attempt to cash in on Nintendo's massively successful 'brain training' games in Japan to see where handheld innovation is coming from. Who is following who? Nintendo remain at the forefront of handheld software, their experience helping them know what works and what doesn't, whilst also creating successful software only they can seemingly produce. But if Sony isn't to encourage similar software support, but instead push multimedia aspects, then where does the gamer fit in? Will the promise of a 3D PES be enough? In the UK, for the "bling-bling/"you got a PSP, yeah?"" playa: yes. In Japan, probably not.
In a time where the UK games charts are in the most appalling creative state it's been in for a very long time, stuck in an ostensibly endless spiral of franchise driven, sequel whoring, zero-risk bullshit, are UMD movies and internet access going to help inspire a new generation of games? Or is everyone happy enough with ports of games that we've already played or ones simply not suited to the host machine?
Already the machine has become a big favourite for hackers. So now we have everything from e-books, web browsing, emulation, porn ...well, pretty much anything you can imagine can be put on this beauty. Who'd have thunk when we were all getting excited about a new, smaller Game Boy with a sharper display, that ten years later, we'd be watching absolute filth on the toilet? The homebrew scene seems to be providing import gamers reason to stick with machine until the next wave of games hit, but most of that centres around playing emulated Super Nintendo games and the like; something that the Game Boy Advance has almost effortlessly surpassed over the years.
Despite everything the PSP offers, I still can't get truly excited about it. Perhaps at the end of the day, for me, I just want to play games and not much else. The multimedia aspects still leave me cold and confused. I don't want to watch films, I don't want to browse the web and I certainly don't want to play handheld games 'online'. The PSP has plenty of things going for it: the launch software in the UK is excellent and deserves to shift a unit or two (though I'm not willing to pay nearly two-hundred pounds for any of them). But the NDS also has refreshing, original software that offers something different and fun, and for that, it doesn't deserve to be completely dismissed in favour of the technically superior PSP (though doubtless it will). Finally, we have a true contender to Nintendo's crown. Hopefully the PSP's quality of games isn't compromised in favour of the other guff; otherwise it just becomes another 21st century 'device' we could probably live without.